you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize