They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize