How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
