Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
