They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you had me at cake vodka
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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