Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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