just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Green mimosas i think yes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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