do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize