he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
