I wish I could punch you in the face.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
