Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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