I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
