I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
