I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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