i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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