who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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