Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
