So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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