oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just found a bag of teeth...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
