I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
