its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
