Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
