did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
