i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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