About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
