Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
