I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
