You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
