i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
