yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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