If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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