The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
