Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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