If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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