Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
