I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
