We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
