what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
