She is in my trunk
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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