Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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