She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this beer tastes like vomit already
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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