Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
