Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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