You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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