How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize