There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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