He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize