I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
