I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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