I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
