We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
