I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
