i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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