After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
