Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize