Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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