i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
