oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
