So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
