my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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