Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
