I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
