Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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