laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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