I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
