my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize