It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
