Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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