are you so shy because you have an std?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
