He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
