Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
