If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
